Bisexual Erasure

Bisexual erasure is the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or erase evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, news, and/or media. In extreme cases, it is the complete denial of bisexuality.

Bi erasure happens in the queer community, in allyship, in academia, in religious communities, and every other place you can imagine. It happens are PRIDE. It happens at church. It happens on Netflix. It happens in academia.

Bi erasure is when I joined a queer mom support group and the question was posed whether or not to allow straight moms in the group. One of the members commented that since bi and pan moms were in the group that its practically the same as having straight moms in the group.

Bi erasure is the many, many, many times anyone and everyone talks about heterosexuality and homosexuality as if the two categories are mutually exclusive.

Bi erasure is when an entire book is written on sexual and gender fluidity and it doesn’t not include an analysis of bisexuality or pansexuality.

Bi erasure is when conversion therapists claimed conversion therapy could cure homosexuality by redirecting bisexual’s attention to members of the opposite sex. Conversion therapists weaponized us and used us to hurt our gay and lesbian siblings while simultaneously erasing us from the footnotes of their research. We were contorted into an invisible weapon and then pretended like we never existed.

Bi erasure is the time a gay man told me to not to talk about fluid bisexuals, because it was just “too problematic.” He opted to erase fluid bisexuals from the conversation, than to admit that fluid bisexuals exist within the queer community.

Bi erasure is when I went to PRIDE and a gay man shook my hand and said, “It so mice to see allies like yourself supporting us at the parade.” You can’t tell if a person is gay or straight by the gender presentation of their partner.

Bi erasure is when I tried to speak up about the concerns of bisexuals in mixed orientation marriages and was told by people in my own community that, “Bisexuals can’t be in mixed orientations marriages. Only gay people are in ‘real’ mixed orientation marriages.”

Bi erasure is the time I was listening to a “progressive” Mormon podcast and the guest said, “I don’t have a problem with gay people so long as they don’t try to get into bed with me and my husband.” Just in case you were wondering how you can contribute to biphobia and bi erasure in the same sentence, that would be it.

Bi erasure is when I was told by a Stake President that there are “plenty of gay Mormons for bisexuals to look up to”―as if bi, queer women are having the same Mormon experience as gay, celibate men that were or are ordained to the priesthood. To be clear, gay men aren’t the problem. The problem is “allies” who think that that gay men are a complete representation of the queer Mormon experience.

Bi erasure is the time I went to the funeral of a bisexual woman who died by suicide and one of the attendees referred to her as a lesbian because she was married to a woman. Even in death, we are erased. She was bisexual. Say it out loud so you don’t forget it.

Bi erasure is when I sat the in the bath tub wondering if I cut myself open would I even bleed or would it just be more emptiness? When you stand in front of a mirror that has no reflection, you start to wonder if you even exist. For bisexuals, the erasure and denial of our existence can be life-threatening.

Bi erasure is the time I sat in Relief Society, wrapped my arms around myself, ran my fingertips across my skin, just to make sure I hadn’t completely disappeared, then ran to my car to have a panic attack.

Bi erasure the time a fellow Latter-day Saint went out of his way to tell me bisexuality isn’t real is just a “trend of Satan.”

Bi erasure is the many, many, many times you walk into a room full of people knowing that the next assault can come from anywhere―inside the queer community, outside the queer community, from prophets, academics, or therapists. It happens everywhere. There is no refuge from bi-erasure.

Bi erasure is the time a straight guy told me that the only “true bisexuals” are bisexuals who are sleeping with both men and women. It wasn’t clear if he meant separately or at the same time, but it does demonstrate how bisexuals are often being asked to “prove” our orientation to monosexuals.

Bi erasure is the time a gay guy told me the only “true bisexuals” are those who score a 3 on the Kinsey Scale. Everyone else is either gay or straight.

Bi erasure feels like you might float away with a gust of wind because there is nothing holding you to the ground. It’s a blank reflection. It feels like standing up in a crowded room yelling “FIRE!” but no one looks up. It’s like being everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Bi erasure is when you summon the courage to correct misconceptions and clarify stereotypes, you’re accuse of “seeking attention,” “being greedy,” or “taking up too much space” from folks who need it more than you.

Bi erasure means putting your experience on the shelf because our existence is too inconvenient for both straight and gay communities.