Broken

I sat on the sofa staring at our broken coffee table―the coffee table that had been broken for over three years―and decided today was the day to fix it. I put it off for far too long and now that I was moving across the country I had this uncontrollable urge to fix things, patch things up, and set things right. All that was broken in my life needed to be repaired before I could depart in peace.

I pulled out my power tools, wood glue, putty, clamps, saw, and wood polish. It had been a while since I used my tools to repair something old, and the sight laid out on the family room floor made me more than a little giddy. Although, the tricky thing about repairs is that even when there is a repair plan in place, there is always the possibility that something could go wrong. The act of fixing always has the potential to lead to more damage.

Despite the risks, rolled up my leaves and got to work. The ruckus was heavenly. I forgot how much I like fixing things. Even when it was difficult and exhausting, it was rewarding.

Drew walked out of the office and called out over the buzzing of power tools and flying sawdust, “What on earth is going on?! It sounds like some one having sex with a toolbox out here!”

I called out over the power drill, “I can’t help it if using power tools gives me unbridled gender euphoria! Hold on! I’m almost done!”

The buzzing stopped and dust settled. Drew continued with wide eyes, “Wow. The coffee table is really coming along. I’m really impressed.”

I reminded him, “My darling, I know what to do with tools. You forget I am half lesbian.”

He chuckled and replied, “Oh yeah, which half is that?”

“The half that likes power tools, whisky, and women,” I answered shamelessly.

Still smiling he said, “Just be sure to save a slice of yourself for me.”

“My love, I saved you more than a slice,” I assured him.

He left and went back into the office. He had his work and I had mine.

I worked on the coffee table enthusiastically, but carefully. The golden rule to measure twice and cut once needed to be strictly obeyed to avoid unnecessary damage. Old coffee tables, like old relationships, carry years of trauma, and recklessly drilling into that trauma can fracture the entire structure.

Once the repairs were complete and the wood glue applied, I secured clamps around the newly formed bond. The clamps had to be set just right. If secured too lightly, the bond would be week and break. If secured too tightly, the wood would crack and break. I set the clamps as securely as possible without damaging the wood, applied a thin layer of wood putty to the seams, and then waited.

Waiting is the hardest part of the process. To form a secure bond the wood glue needed to set overnight with the clamps securely fastened. There’s nothing to do but wait to see if the bond will hold. I went to bed that night both eager and apprehensive to remove the clamps.

The next morning, I woke before the sun, and rushed down the stairs like a kid on Christmas morning. I took a deep breath and carefully released the clamps one by one. I circled the table looking for signs of fracture but there was none. The bonds held strong, and the table was repaired.

I took out a microfiber cloth and wood polish and began massaging oil into the wood. By the time I was done, it looked even better than the day I first laid eyes on it. The repairs were visible, but they were also lovely.

The craftsmanship was a testament to how much I loved the coffee table. I could have thrown out the old coffee table and got a new one. There wasn’t a lack of funds or options to choose from. Coffee tables don’t even have to be built. They can be purchased and delivered with next-day shipping and if there is the slightest defect, it can be sent back for a full refund. Yet, I didn’t want a new coffee table. I wanted the old coffee table, and with all the necessary repairs complete, I could keep it for years to come.

I knelt at the side of the coffee table like a sinner at an altar and softly cried over my holy offering. I wished I was as good at fixing relationships as I was at fixing coffee tables, but some things can’t be fixed with saws and glue.